Therapy with RickWhy Therapy is Not Advice: Recognising the True Power of Therapy
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What do I do?…
Therapy is often misunderstood. Many people enter the therapeutic space expecting answers, solutions, or a roadmap to fix their problems. They might hope their therapist will tell them what to do, how to live, or how to "get better." But therapy is not advice. In fact, the act of giving advice can fundamentally undermine the therapeutic process, creating power imbalances, disempowerment, and even ruptures in the therapeutic relationship. Let’s explore why therapy is so much more than advice—and why advice-giving can be counterproductive in this deeply personal and transformative space.
The Power Imbalance Problem
When a therapist gives advice, it creates an implicit power dynamic: the therapist becomes the "expert," and the client becomes the "recipient" of wisdom. This dynamic can feel infantilising, as though the client is incapable of making their own decisions or understanding their own life. Therapy, at its core, is about collaboration—not hierarchy. A therapist’s role is to guide, not to dictate. By refraining from advice-giving, therapists empower clients to trust their own instincts, make their own choices, and take ownership of their lives.
Imagine sitting across from someone who tells you what to do. Even if their intentions are good, it can feel dismissive of your unique experiences, values, and perspectives. Therapy is meant to be a space where clients feel seen, heard, and validated—not judged or directed.
The Disempowerment Dilemma
Advice-giving can disempower clients by subtly suggesting that they are incapable of solving their own problems. This can reinforce feelings of helplessness or inadequacy, which may already be contributing to their struggles. Therapy is about building self-efficacy—the belief in one’s ability to navigate life’s challenges. When a therapist offers advice, they risk robbing the client of the opportunity to discover their own strengths and solutions.
Consider this: if any advice given to the client by friends, family, or well-meaning strangers had ever worked, they likely wouldn’t be in therapy in the first place. People seek therapy because the usual advice—no matter how well-intentioned—hasn’t worked. What they need is not more advice, but a space to explore, reflect, and grow.
The Risk of Rupturing the Relationship
The therapeutic relationship is built on trust, empathy, and mutual respect. When a therapist gives advice, they risk creating a rupture in that relationship. Why? Because advice can feel prescriptive, judgmental, or out of touch with the client’s reality. If the advice doesn’t resonate or feels unhelpful, the client may feel misunderstood or even alienated.
Therapy is not about providing answers; it’s about asking the right questions. A skilled therapist helps clients uncover their own insights, rather than imposing external solutions. This approach encourages a deeper connection and ensures that the client feels truly understood.
Therapy as a Space for Self-Discovery
So, if therapy isn’t about advice, what is it about? Therapy is a space for self-discovery, healing, and growth. It’s about exploring emotions, challenging limiting beliefs, and developing new ways of thinking and being. A therapist’s role is to create a safe, non-judgmental environment where clients can explore their inner world and find their own answers.
This process is inherently empowering. It allows clients to tap into their own wisdom, build resilience, and develop the tools they need to navigate life’s challenges. It’s not about telling someone what to do; it’s about helping them uncover what they already know.
The Candid Truth About Advice
Let’s take a good honest look at this…If advice from friends, family, or self-help books had ever worked, most people wouldn’t need therapy. The reality is that advice often falls short because it doesn’t take into account the complexity of an individual’s experiences, emotions, and circumstances. What works for one person may not work for another. Therapy recognises this uniqueness and honours the client’s autonomy to find their own path.
Therapy Is About Empowerment, Not Direction
Therapy is not advice. It’s a collaborative, empowering process that helps individuals connect with their own inner resources and make meaningful changes in their lives. By avoiding advice-giving, therapists create a space where clients can explore, reflect, and grow without fear of judgment or disempowerment.
If you’re in therapy or considering it, remember: the goal isn’t to be told what to do. The goal is to discover what’s already within you—and to build the confidence and clarity to move forward on your own terms. That’s the true power of therapy.
WHAT MY CLIENTS SAY ABOUT WORKING WITH ME
Kind words
“Rick, Thank you for all that you've done working with me. I think getting to discuss things with you was truly so healing and helped me develop my emotional intuition more. For that, I cannot thank you enough”
AFTER 4 MONTHS OF WORKING ON INTIMACY AND RELATIONSHIP ISSUES
“Rick has been incredibly supportive and understanding throughout our sessions. His professionalism and empathy have created a safe space for me to explore my thoughts and feelings. I highly recommend Rick to anyone seeking compassionate and effective online therapy”
AFTER 7 MONTHS OF WORKING ON HISTORICAL FAMILY ISSUES
“Over the past few months Rick and I worked together to tackle lots of historic issues that had continued to effect my life right up until I began therapy! He taught me a great deal about acceptance. The whole process was a real pleasure and has left me in a position I could not have imagined 6 months ago. For that I cannot thank him enough”
AFTER 10 MONTHS OF WORKING ON HISTORICAL FAMILY ISSUES, FATHERHOOD AND LIFE CHANGES
Find Some Answer's
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Therapy typically doesn't involve giving direct advice like a friend or mentor might. Instead, a therapist helps you explore your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors to better understand yourself and your challenges. Their role is to guide you in finding your own solutions and coping mechanisms, rather than prescribing specific actions.
Of course, this can vary depending on the type of therapy. For example:
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) might involve structured techniques to address negative thought patterns.
- Solution-Focused Therapy could focus on achieving specific goals and might feel more advice-like.
- In psychoanalysis, the approach is more exploratory and reflective.
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Therapists often do both—but it depends on their therapeutic approach and the needs of the client. While they are great listeners who create a safe space for you to express yourself, therapists also provide guidance, support, and sometimes even structured strategies to help you navigate challenges.
For example:
- In CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy), therapists might actively help you challenge unhelpful thought patterns and develop practical skills. This can feel a bit like advice.
- In a more exploratory approach, like psychodynamic therapy, they might focus on listening and helping you uncover insights about yourself, rather than offering direct advice.
The idea is to empower you to better understand yourself and make decisions that feel right for you.
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Counselling isn’t advice-giving because its primary goal is to empower you to find your own solutions, rather than telling you what to do. Here are some reasons why:
1. Individualised Solutions: What works for one person might not work for another. Counsellors focus on helping you explore what’s meaningful and effective for your unique circumstances.
2. Self-Awareness: By guiding you to reflect on your thoughts, emotions, and behaviours, counselling helps you develop greater self-awareness. This is often more sustainable than relying on external advice.
3. Promoting Autonomy: Counselling emphasises personal growth and decision-making. It’s about building your confidence to navigate challenges independently.
4. Nonjudgmental Space: A counsellor creates a space where you feel heard and understood, rather than imposing their own opinions or solutions.
Think of it as a partnership: the counsellor helps you uncover insights, clarify your goals, and explore possibilities. It’s less about giving answers and more about helping you discover them within yourself.
Does this resonate with what you were hoping to understand?
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Yes, a therapist can help you with decision-making, but they typically won't tell you what to do. Instead, they guide you through the process of making decisions by:
1. Clarifying Priorities: A therapist can help you identify what matters most to you and what aligns with your values.
2. Exploring Options: They encourage you to consider different perspectives and weigh the potential outcomes of your choices.
3. Understanding Emotions: By helping you untangle your emotions, they make it easier to see how feelings might influence your decisions.
4. Building Confidence: Therapists help you trust your ability to make informed choices, empowering you to take ownership of the process.
5. Using Techniques: In some cases, they might introduce specific tools, like decision-making frameworks, to organise your thoughts.
The focus is on strengthening your decision-making skills, so you feel more confident in tackling future choices.
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Absolutely, therapy can be incredibly helpful for many people, though its effectiveness depends on factors like the type of therapy, the therapist-client relationship, and the individual's commitment to the process. Here’s why therapy works for so many:
1. Safe Space: It provides a nonjudgmental environment where you can freely express thoughts and feelings.
2. Increased Self-Awareness: Therapy helps you understand patterns in your behavior, emotions, and relationships.
3. Coping Strategies: It equips you with tools to manage stress, anxiety, depression, or other challenges more effectively.
4. Improved Relationships: It can enhance communication and conflict-resolution skills, benefiting personal and professional relationships.
5. Tailored Approaches: Therapists adapt their methods to suit individual needs, ensuring personalised support.
Studies consistently show that therapy can lead to lasting improvements in mental health and well-being. Have you been considering therapy, or are you curious about how it could fit into your life?
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Yes, therapy can truly bring about meaningful change, though it’s often a gradual and collaborative process. Here's how therapy can help transform people over time:
1. New Perspectives: Therapy allows you to see situations, relationships, and even yourself through a clearer, more constructive lens. This shift in perspective can lead to significant changes in how you navigate life.
2. Breaking Patterns: It helps you identify and break unhelpful or unhealthy patterns of thought and behaviour, replacing them with more positive ones.
3. Building Resilience: Through learning new coping strategies, you can handle challenges more effectively and bounce back from setbacks with greater ease.
4. Increased Self-Awareness: By exploring your emotions and experiences deeply, you gain insights into what drives your choices and reactions, making intentional change possible.
5. Improved Relationships: Therapy can foster better communication and understanding, helping to transform how you relate to others.
Ultimately, therapy empowers you to grow into the version of yourself that feels most aligned with your values and goals. It’s not about becoming a completely different person; it’s about unlocking your potential and fostering meaningful change.
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Research shows that therapy is highly effective for many people. Around 75-80% of individuals who engage in therapy experience some benefit, such as symptom relief or improved functioning. The success rate can vary depending on factors like the type of therapy, the therapist-client relationship, and the specific challenges being addressed.
For example, combining therapy with medication can increase effectiveness for certain conditions, like depression, with success rates reaching up to 85%. Most people notice significant improvement within the first 8-10 sessions.