Online Therapy for Addiction UK

It is possible to be addicted to another person. Addiction, in this context, refers to a compulsion to engage in behaviours that flood your brain with happy chemicals, such as dopamine or oxytocin. Here are some key points:

1. Love vs. Addiction:

   • Loving Relationship:

     • Healthy boundaries are easy to maintain.

     • You feel comfortable discussing your feelings with them.

     • Both partners encourage each other’s solo outings and activities.

     • Respect for privacy exists.

     • Self-esteem isn’t dependent on the partner’s thoughts.

   • Addictive Relationship:

     • You feel uneasy or unable to cope when they’re not around.

     • You believe they are the only person you’ll ever love.

     • You expect them to fulfill all your needs.

     • Jealousy arises if they engage in activities outside the relationship.

     • Concerns from friends and loved ones about your involvement with them.

2. Reasons for Becoming Addicted to a Person:

   • Seeking a High:

     • New connections can be exhilarating, flooding your brain with positive feelings.

     • Being admired by someone can become addictive, akin to a substance high.

   • Prone to Addiction:

     • People with addictive personalities may exhibit mood swings, impulsivity, thrill-seeking behavior, and low self-esteem.

Remember that while addiction to a person is possible, it’s essential to recognise the unhealthy patterns.

Being addicted to someone means that you feel like they are your entire world, or like you can’t live without them. It’s an unhealthy mentality, but one that you can recover from.

Addiction to a person can manifest in various ways, and it’s essential to recognise the signs. Here are some characteristics of being addicted to someone:

1. Idealisation: You may idealise the person, putting them on a pedestal and over-investing emotionally.

2. Craving and Withdrawal: Similar to other addictions, you experience cravings and withdrawal symptoms when they’re not around.

3. Obsessive Thoughts and Compulsive Behaviours: Thoughts of the person dominate your mind, leading to compulsive behaviours.

4. Neglecting Other Life Areas: You might neglect other aspects of your life due to your intense focus on this person.

5. Insecure Attachment: Your attachment style becomes insecure, leading to anxiety and fear of losing them.

6. Codependency: You rely heavily on them for emotional validation and fulfillment.

Remember, recognising and addressing this addiction is crucial for your well-being. Seeking professional help or talking to a trusted friend can be beneficial if you’re struggling with this type of attachment.

A codependent person exhibits patterns of behaviour that prioritise others over themselves, often to their own detriment. Here are some common signs of codependency:

• Deep-seated need for approval from others.

• Self-sacrifice: They consistently put others’ needs before their own.

• People-pleasing: They seek validation by catering to others.

• Fear of rejection: They may avoid asserting their own needs to avoid conflict or rejection. Codependency can lead to unhealthy relationship dynamics and affect overall wellbeing. It’s essential to recognise these signs and work toward building healthier boundaries.

Limerence, that intense romantic obsession and infatuation, unfolds through four stages:

1. Attraction: You notice the other person and recognise their positive qualities.

2. Obsession: Feelings intensify, leading to anxious and ecstatic emotions.

3. Elation and Frustration: The rollercoaster of highs and lows as you navigate the relationship.

4. Resolution: Eventually, limerence fades, and you move on to a better relationship with yourself and your partner.

Limerence, that intense romantic desire for someone, can be overwhelming. While it’s not easy to switch it off completely, there are strategies to manage it:

1. No Contact: Distance yourself from the person you’re limerent for. It helps objectivity return and highlights their unsuitability or negative qualities.

2. Psychological Deprogramming: Counter your brain’s idealisation of them. Instead of focusing on their positive traits, find flaws and fixate on those. It helps devalue the limerent object.

3. Self-Awareness: Track your thoughts and feelings related to the person. Writing them down can reveal patterns and aid in overcoming limerence.

4. Challenge Obsessive Thinking: When you catch yourself obsessing, consciously redirect your thoughts to other activities or interests.

Remember, limerence is temporary, and with time and effort, its intensity will diminish.

Limerence is a state of intense, involuntary obsession with another person. It differs from love or lust because it revolves around uncertainty: specifically, whether the person you desire (referred to as the “limerent object”) desires you in return. Childhood trauma can potentially contribute to the development of limerence. For instance, early childhood abandonment or neglect may correlate with the likelihood of experiencing limerence. This intense infatuation often involves obsessive thoughts and fantasies about the desired person.

One common type of trauma associated with limerence is early life attachment trauma, which occurs when a child doesn’t receive enough love, care, attention, or affection from their primary caregiver.

Codependency in a relationship occurs when both individuals are mentally, emotionally, physically, and/or spiritually reliant on each other. It can exist between romantic partners, family members, or friends.

Here are some signs of a codependent relationship:

1. Overly Concerned: You’re excessively focused on the other person’s thoughts, feelings, and actions. You feel compelled to fix or rescue them from their problems.

2. One-Sided Relationship: The dynamic is consistently imbalanced. One person is responsible and hardworking, while the other avoids consequences for their actions.

3. Self-Sacrifice: You sacrifice your own well-being to make the other person happy, neglecting your health, time, energy, and values.

4. Revolved Around Them: Your life revolves around the other person’s needs and desires.

5. Walking on Eggshells: You fear displeasing or angering them, leading to self-silencing and saying yes to things you don’t want.

6. Martyr Complex: You care for everyone but feel unappreciated.

7. Controlling Behaviour: Attempts to control the other person through criticism, ultimatums, or unsolicited advice.

8. Ignoring Hurtful Behaviour: You stay in the relationship despite repeated hurt (physical, emotional, financial).

9. Neglecting Self-Care: You prioritise others over yourself and feel guilty when doing something for your own well-being.

10. Fear of Rejection: You’re afraid of rejection, criticism, or abandonment.

Recognising these signs is crucial for breaking free from codependency and creating healthier relationships.

Attachment styles describe different ways of interacting and behaving in relationships. These patterns emerge from our earliest emotional bonds with caregivers and continue to influence our adult relationships.

Psychologists recognise four main attachment styles:

1. Secure Attachment Style: People with a secure attachment style feel comfortable with emotional closeness and independence. They trust their partners, seek support when needed, and maintain healthy boundaries.

2. Ambivalent (Anxious) Attachment Style: Individuals with this style often worry about their partner’s feelings and commitment. They desire closeness but fear rejection. They may be clingy or overly dependent.

3. Avoidant Attachment Style: Those with an avoidant style value independence and self-sufficiency. They may avoid emotional intimacy, struggle with commitment, and find it challenging to express their feelings.

4. Disorganised Attachment Style: This style is less common and often results from inconsistent caregiving. People with disorganised attachment may exhibit contradictory behaviours, such as seeking closeness while fearing it simultaneously.

Understanding your attachment style can help you navigate challenges in romantic relationships.

Attachment theory, developed by psychologists John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, provides insights into how individuals form and maintain relationships with others.

There are two primary attachment styles identified in attachment theory: anxious and avoidant. Here’s a brief overview of each:

1. Anxious Attachment:

   • People with an anxious attachment style tend to desire and seek a high level of emotional closeness and intimacy in their relationships.

   • They worry about their partner’s availability and may feel insecure if they perceive any emotional distance.

   • Anxious individuals have a deep fear of abandonment and rejection.

   • They often seek reassurance and validation from their partners and may become distressed when their needs for attention and affection are not met.

2. Avoidant Attachment:

   • Individuals with avoidant attachment prioritise their independence and may actively avoid emotional closeness.

   • They value personal space and may become uncomfortable when others get too close.

   • Avoidant attachment reflects a degree of comfort with independence and a reluctance to rely on others for emotional support.

Remember that attachment styles are not rigid categories, and individuals may exhibit a combination of anxious and avoidant tendencies to varying degrees.

Pornography addiction is a topic that has garnered significant attention and debate. Let’s explore some key points:

1. Definition and Controversy:

   • Pornography addiction refers to an emotional dependence on pornography that interferes with daily life, relationships, and overall functioning.

   • However, it’s important to note that the application of an addiction model to pornography use is scientifically controversial. Some experts argue that it doesn’t fit the traditional addiction framework.

2. Negative Consequences:

   • Frequent exposure to pornography can alter the brain’s reward system, leading to tolerance (needing more explicit material) and a compulsive need for it.

   • Individuals may become dissatisfied with their own sex life or engage in risky behaviours, such as using porn at work.

3. Self-Help Strategies:

   • If you suspect you have a porn addiction, consider these steps:

     • Delete porn from your devices: Remove any porn content from your phone, computer, or tablet.

     • Install parental locks: Use parental lock software to make accessing x-rated sites more difficult.

     • Replace the habit: Engage in other activities (exercise, hobbies) to combat boredom or loneliness.

     • Spend time with loved ones: Building healthy relationships reduces alone time and helps avoid porn use.