We've all experienced that painful moment of awareness:

"I know I shouldn't be doing this, yet here I am again."

Whether it's sabotaging relationships, engaging in destructive habits, or repeatedly making choices that undermine your wellbeing, these patterns can feel both frustrating and mysteriously compelling—as if some invisible force keeps pulling you back despite your best intentions.

Breaking Free: How Psychodynamic Therapy Helps When You Can't Stop Self-Defeating Behaviours

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Unwanted behaviors often persist because they're connected to deeper emotional needs or conflicts that remain unaddressed. While cognitive approaches focus on changing thoughts and behavioural therapy targets the actions themselves, psychodynamic therapy helps you understand why these patterns developed and what maintains them.

In therapy, we discover that troubling behaviours began as adaptive responses to difficult circumstances—perhaps offering comfort, protection, or a sense of control during challenging times. Through our work together, you'll gain insight into these origins without judgment, creating space for new choices that better serve your current life.

Why Therapy Works for Behaviour

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What Drives Unwanted Behaviours?

When willpower and good intentions aren't enough, psychodynamic therapy offers a different approach. Together, we'll work to:

Uncover the hidden purposes your troubling behaviours may be serving

Connect present actions to past experiences that shaped them

Recognize unconscious conflicts driving seemingly irrational choices

Develop compassion for the parts of yourself you've been fighting against

Create meaningful, lasting change by addressing root causes, not just symptoms

Hand coloured image of a man breaking free symbolic of from self sabotage to self understanding

Breaking persistent behavior patterns isn't about forcing change through sheer willpower. It's about understanding yourself deeply enough that new possibilities naturally emerge.

As our work progresses, you'll find yourself less caught in automatic reactions and more able to pause, reflect, and choose responses aligned with your true values and goals.

From Self-Sabotage to Self-Understanding

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Ready to break free from behaviours that no longer serve you?

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Find some answers…

  • Human behaviour is extraordinarily complex and influenced by multiple interacting factors. From a psychological perspective, human behaviour can be understood through several key dimensions:

    Biological foundations:

    • Genetic predispositions shape personality traits and behavioural tendencies

    • Neurochemical processes regulate mood, motivation, and decision-making

    • Brain structures and neural pathways influence behavioral patterns

    • Evolutionary adaptations inform basic drives and survival behaviors

    Cognitive processes:

    • Perception and attention filter and prioritize environmental information

    • Memory systems store and retrieve past experiences that guide current behavior

    • Decision-making balances rational analysis with emotional influences

    • Beliefs and expectations shape interpretation of events and subsequent actions

    • Language mediates thought and social interaction

    Emotional components:

    • Basic emotions (fear, anger, joy, etc.) produce specific behavioral responses

    • Emotional regulation abilities determine behavioral control

    • Mood states create general behavioral tendencies

    • Emotional intelligence affects social functioning

    Social influences:

    • Cultural norms establish boundaries for acceptable behavior

    • Social learning occurs through observation and modeling

    • Group dynamics affect conformity and social identity

    • Relationships provide contexts for attachment patterns

    • Social reinforcement shapes behavioural patterns over time

    Motivational systems:

    • Intrinsic motivation drives behaviour for personal satisfaction

    • Extrinsic motivation responds to external rewards and punishments

    • Maslow's hierarchy suggests behaviour is driven by fulfilling needs

    • Self-determination impacts autonomous behaviour and persistence

    Development and life span:

    • Critical periods in development establish behavioural foundations

    • Age-related changes affect behavioral capabilities and priorities

    • Life transitions trigger behavioural adaptations

    Human behaviour ultimately emerges from the complex interplay of these factors, making it highly individualised yet patterned enough to be studied systematically.

  • Abnormal behaviour is a concept in psychology that refers to patterns of emotion, thought, and action considered atypical, distressing, dysfunctional, or outside cultural norms. Here's how abnormal behaviour is generally understood:

    Key criteria for defining abnormal behaviour:

    1. Statistical deviation: Significantly differs from what most people do

    2. Violation of social norms: Conflicts with culturally accepted standards

    3. Personal distress: Causes significant suffering to the individual

    4. Dysfunction: Interferes with daily functioning or life goals

    5. Unexpected behaviour: Appears irrational or inappropriate to context

    6. Risk to self/others: Poses danger to oneself or others

    Examples of behaviours often considered abnormal:

    • Persistent extreme anxiety preventing normal activities

    • Severe mood disturbances (major depression, mania)

    • Disordered thought processes (as in schizophrenia)

    • Compulsive behaviours that disrupt daily life

    • Self-harm behaviours

    • Significant dissociation from reality

    • Extreme social withdrawal

    • Substantial personality changes

    • Severe eating disorders

    Important contextual considerations:

    • Cultural relativity: What's considered abnormal varies across cultures

    • Historical context: Definitions change over time

    • Situational appropriateness: Context determines normalcy

    • Dimensional view: Many behaviours exist on continua rather than as distinct categories

    • Subjective judgment: Who decides what's "abnormal" involves power dynamics

    The concept of abnormal behaviour forms the basis for mental health diagnosis, but it's important to approach it with cultural sensitivity and awareness of how social factors influence these judgments. Many mental health professionals now prefer to focus on specific symptoms and distress levels rather than broad concepts of "normality" versus "abnormality."

  • Maladaptive behaviour refers to actions and patterns that prevent effective coping with life demands or situations, ultimately undermining a person's wellbeing or functioning. Unlike adaptive behaviours that help us adjust successfully to challenges, maladaptive behaviours provide short-term relief but create longer-term problems.

    Key characteristics of maladaptive behaviour include:

    1. Short-term effectiveness but long-term harm: These behaviours may temporarily reduce distress but cause greater problems over time.

    2. Interference with functioning: They disrupt daily activities, relationships, work, or personal growth.

    3. Perpetuation of problems: Rather than resolving issues, they often maintain or worsen the underlying difficulties.

    4. Rigidity: These patterns tend to be inflexible and persist despite negative consequences.

    Common examples of maladaptive behaviours include:

    • Avoidance behaviours (avoiding anxiety-provoking situations)

    • Substance use to cope with emotional distress

    • Self-harm as emotional regulation

    • Aggressive responses to perceived threats

    • Excessive reassurance-seeking

    • Procrastination

    • Social withdrawal

    • Perfectionism

    • Passive-aggressive communication

    • Rumination and worry

    Maladaptive behaviours often develop as understandable attempts to manage difficult situations or emotions, particularly when healthier coping strategies weren't learned or available. They're frequently associated with mental health conditions but can occur in anyone responding to stress or challenging circumstances.

  • Psychodynamic therapy impacts behaviour by addressing the underlying psychological processes that drive behaviours rather than focusing directly on the behaviours themselves. Here's how it influences behavioural change:

    1. Uncovering unconscious motivations: Psychodynamic therapy helps people understand the hidden drives and conflicts that fuel their behaviours. By bringing these unconscious elements into awareness, individuals can make more conscious choices rather than acting on automatic patterns.

    2. Resolving internal conflicts: Many problematic behaviours stem from unresolved conflicts between different aspects of the self (like desires versus moral standards). As these conflicts are worked through, behavioural symptoms often diminish naturally.

    3. Modifying defence mechanisms: Defensive behaviours (like avoidance, projection, or denial) serve to protect against anxiety but often create problems. Psychodynamic therapy helps identify these patterns and develop more adaptive ways of managing anxiety.

    4. Reworking relationship patterns: Through the therapeutic relationship and analysis of transference, individuals can recognise how they unconsciously recreate problematic interpersonal dynamics. This awareness allows for new ways of relating to others.

    5. Emotional regulation: As clients develop the capacity to identify, express, and contain difficult emotions within therapy, they gain better emotional regulation skills that reduce impulsive or reactive behaviours.

    6. Increasing mentalisation: Psychodynamic therapy enhances the ability to understand mental states (both one's own and others'), which improves interpersonal functioning and reduces misunderstandings that lead to problematic behavioural reactions.

    7. Building reflective capacity: The process encourages stepping back to consider multiple perspectives before acting, creating space between impulse and action.

    Unlike behavioural therapies that directly target behaviour change through techniques like reinforcement or exposure, psychodynamic approaches produce behavioural changes as a consequence of deeper psychological shifts in understanding, emotional processing, and self-identity.

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit
— Will Durant