The four types of attachment are:

1. Secure Attachment: Characterised by trust in caregivers and the ability to explore independently while using the caregiver as a secure base. Children with secure attachment feel confident their needs will be met, are easily comforted when distressed, and develop healthy relationships. Adults with secure attachment generally have positive views of themselves and others, form stable relationships, and manage emotions effectively.

2. Anxious-Ambivalent/Preoccupied Attachment: Marked by inconsistency in caregiving, leading to hyper-vigilance and anxiety about relationships. These individuals often seek excessive reassurance, fear abandonment, and may display clingy behavior. Adults with this attachment style typically worry about rejection, seek high levels of intimacy and approval, and experience emotional highs and lows in relationships.

3. Avoidant/Dismissive Attachment: Develops when caregivers are consistently unresponsive or rejecting. Children learn to suppress attachment needs and emotions, becoming prematurely self-reliant. Adults with avoidant attachment often value independence over closeness, downplay the importance of relationships, and may seem emotionally distant or detached.

4. Disorganised/Fearful-Avoidant Attachment: Results from frightening or unpredictable caregiving, often associated with trauma or abuse. These individuals display confused and contradictory behaviours, simultaneously seeking and fearing closeness. Adults with disorganised attachment often have difficulty regulating emotions, struggle with consistent relationship patterns, and may experience significant interpersonal difficulties.

These attachment styles were originally identified through the work of Mary Ainsworth's Strange Situation experiment (which observed infant responses to separation and reunion with caregivers) and later expanded by researchers like Mary Main and Kim Bartholomew to include adult attachment patterns.

You might be experiencing attachment issues if you notice consistent patterns in how you relate to others, particularly in close relationships. Here are some signs that could indicate attachment challenges:

Signs of anxious attachment:

• Constant worry about abandonment or rejection

• Need for frequent reassurance about your partner's feelings

• Tendency to become overly dependent in relationships

• Strong emotional reactions to small signs of distance

• Difficulty trusting partners despite their consistency

• Relationship anxiety that feels disproportionate to situations

Signs of avoidant attachment:

• Discomfort with emotional intimacy or vulnerability

• Pattern of keeping people at arm's length

• Valuing independence to an extreme degree

• Difficulty sharing feelings or needs with others

• Tendency to leave relationships when they become too close

• Focusing on partners' flaws to create emotional distance

Signs of disorganised attachment:

• Unpredictable responses to intimacy (craving it yet fearing it)

• Chaotic relationship patterns with intense highs and lows

• Deep fear of rejection coupled with difficulty trusting

• History of relationships with unhealthy dynamics

• Difficulty regulating emotions in close relationships

General indicators:

• Repeating the same problematic relationship patterns

• Feeling consistently misunderstood or unsupported

• Difficulty maintaining healthy boundaries

• Strong reactions to separation from loved ones

• Persistent relationship difficulties despite wanting connection

If these patterns sound familiar, therapy with me can help you explore your attachment style and develop more secure relationship patterns.

Attachment styles develop in early childhood but can be modified through self-awareness, therapy, and new relationship experiences.

Attachment issues typically develop from early life experiences and can be triggered or exacerbated by various circumstances. Here are the main triggers:

Developmental origins:

• Inconsistent or unresponsive caregiving in early childhood

• Childhood trauma, abuse, or neglect

• Separation from primary caregivers (due to illness, death, divorce, etc.)

• Parental mental health issues or substance abuse

• Multiple caregivers or changes in primary caregivers

• Lack of emotional attunement from caregivers

Contemporary triggers in adulthood:

• Relationship transitions (beginning/ending relationships)

• Perceived rejection or abandonment

• Conflict with close others

• Signs of emotional distance from partners

• Major life changes or transitions

• Loss or grief experiences

• Situations resembling early attachment wounds

• Stress or feeling overwhelmed

• Health issues or vulnerability

• Parenting (which may activate one's own attachment patterns)

Vulnerability factors:

• High stress environments

• Lack of social support

• Current relationship dynamics that mirror early experiences

• Unresolved trauma

• Poor emotional regulation skills

Attachment triggers are highly individual and often connect to specific patterns from your early relationships. For example, someone whose parent was emotionally unavailable might be intensely triggered by a partner who withdraws during conflict, while someone else might react strongly to different dynamics.

Understanding your specific triggers is an important step in addressing attachment issues. Many people find that working with a therapist trained in attachment theory can help identify these patterns and develop healthier responses.

Attachment anxiety manifests in various ways across different aspects of relationships and emotional experiences. Here's what it commonly looks like:

In relationships:

• Intense fear of abandonment or rejection

• Constant need for reassurance about a partner's feelings

• Hyper-vigilance to subtle changes in a partner's mood or behaviour

• Tendency to interpret neutral actions as signs of waning interest

• Difficulty trusting partner's commitment despite evidence

• "Mind-reading" or assuming negative thoughts from others

• Frequent relationship anxiety that feels overwhelming

• Seeking excessive validation and approval

Emotional patterns:

• Emotional roller coasters with intense highs and lows

• Catastrophic thinking about relationship issues

• Difficulty self-soothing when distressed

• Persistent worry about relationships even when things are going well

• Intense jealousy or comparison to others

• Rumination about interactions and conversations

Behavioural signs:

• Frequent checking behaviours (texts, calls, social media)

• Protest behaviours when feeling disconnected (withdrawal, anger, threats)

• Difficulty with appropriate boundaries

• People-pleasing to maintain connection

• Reluctance to express needs for fear of being "too much"

• Tendency to become quickly attached in new relationships

• Difficulty being alone or self-sufficient

• May appear clingy or dependent to others

Physical manifestations:

• Sleep disturbances when experiencing relationship stress

• Physical anxiety symptoms (racing heart, stomach issues, tension)

• Difficulty concentrating when worried about relationship status

• Exhaustion from constant emotional vigilance

Attachment anxiety exists on a spectrum, and many people experience some of these tendencies occasionally. It becomes problematic when these patterns persistently interfere with relationship satisfaction, emotional well-being, or daily functioning.